Other Family Members

Fathers Grieve Too

When a baby or young child dies, it is generally accepted that mothers will grieve. But it is not widely accepted that fathers will grieve, too. They will be deeply hurt, though some may not show their grief as openly as do mothers.

Fathers need friendship and support; they need to be allowed to talk about their child if they wish, and they need to know that you care. In fact, they need all the same sorts of support that mothers need.

Try not to say things like, “How is your wife doing?” without also asking how he is doing. Almost everything that you think to do in support of a mother whose child has died will also be appreciated by the father.

Brothers and Sisters

When a baby or young child dies, it is important to remember that the child’s brothers and sisters will be grieving. They too will experience the pain of grief, but they will express it in different ways. For example, they may be unusually clingy or anxious, may have nightmares, or may appear unaffected. They will have questions, and their own fears.

Sometimes parents may appear uninterested in their other children for a time, or simply do not have the energy to give them the attention they need. If you can, try to give special attention to the child’s brothers and sisters. This will be helpful both to the children and to the parents.